Learn to fight fair. Couples that don't learn to disagree, quickly learn the route to the divorce court. If arguments are not resolved, they leave a growing bitterness that is not compatible with happy marriage - or any marriage!
Disagreement is good. It shows that you are normal, mature, independent people with your own views. But it is how you deal with those differences of opinion that makes the difference between a successful marriage and a disaster.
Here are five things to do to avoid turning disagreements into destructive fights:
Learn to spot a disagreement and recognise the right of your spouse to a different opinion. It does not make him or her less intelligent, nor call for a verbal attack on his character. If the 'temperature' is too hot, call for time out to cool down then proceed with the intention of showing each other respect.
Listen. Don't rush in with your own view. Listen to the other person's ideas and take your time to really understand them. Ask questions and show real respect for him or her. Gently insist on the same time and treatment for your views.
If the difference is a factual thing that can be settled by consulting an expert or the internet, agree to consult the chosen source. If you were right, don't crow. If you were wrong, admit defeat. If there is no answer, seek a compromise or bury the argument for good.
Resist the urge to criticise the other person. Focus on the subject matter of the disagreement. Speak about how you feel about it, don't criticise or insult the other person for having a different view.
Don't keep score. It doesn't matter who 'wins' differences. In fact, be happy when your spouse is right - it gives you the opportunity to compliment him or her. This can lead to a fun session.
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