You've found your soul mate and want to get married - the next step is planning and deciding who is going to pay for the wedding?
Traditionally, the bride's father was the one weighed down by the responsibility of paying for the wedding, but nowadays the load has been lifted off his shoulders somewhat and he'll be able to breathe easier knowing that other family members will probably share the wedding costs.
Factors to consider when deciding who pays for the wedding
Establish your family circumstances.
When deciding who pays for what at a wedding, factors such as the ages of the bride and groom and whether they earn a lot of money, and the parent's financial situation, need to be taken into account. Circumstances, and not tradition, determine who pays for what at weddings today.
Be honest with each other.
The engaged couple needs to sit down with their parents, decide on a budget beforehand, and discuss who will pay for what when the bills come in. The most important thing to remember when deciding who pays for what at your wedding, is to be honest about what you can afford. Both sets of parents have to be comfortable with what they are paying for, as anxiety or resentment about wedding costs can take all the enjoyment out of planning a wedding.
Although the best way to determine this is for both families to sit down together, discussing finances - and their financial situation - might be uncomfortable for some. In this case, sensitivity and discretion is required and you may have to meet separately.
There are three main options to choose from when deciding who pays for what for what at your wedding (although these are flexible and others can contribute at any time):
1. The bride's parents - traditionally pay for the wedding.
This is when the bride's parents cover most of the wedding costs - from the engagement party to the reception, as well as the wedding dress. The groom, or his family, pays the church costs, as well as refreshments at the reception. This option works for parents who are prepared (and financially able) to give their daughter the wedding of her dreams. It is usually the commonly accepted method of financing a wedding when the bride is very young and still lives with her parents.
For parents who have to follow a tight budget, this can be very stressful. It is very difficult to budget for a daughter's wedding years in advance as you never really know when she is going to want to get married: she could be 18 or want to wait until she's in her 30's.
The good news though is that the financial burden is rarely solely the bride's parents these days; the modern trend is for families to split the costs when deciding who pays for what at their children's weddings.
2. The modern pay for wedding answer - split the costs between both sets of parents.
Nowadays, the groom's parents will offer to help with the wedding expenses. When deciding who pays for what for the wedding, the groom's family will pay for the expenses involved in the ceremony like the church fee and related costs like the organist, choir etc. They will also pay for the hiring of clothes for the male members of the wedding party, bouquets, corsages and buttonholes, and transport to and from the church for the wedding party.
The biggest expense they will have is the cost of the drinks for the reception - especially if there is going to be a full and open bar! (In fact, this often rivals the cost of the food, so the bride's parents can take heart that the others are shouldering their share.) If the couple are lucky, the groom's parents will even pay for the cost of the honeymoon night and the honeymoon itself!
3. The bride and groom pay for the wedding themselves.
If the bride and groom are older (as many couples often are these days), they may have been working for years and have saved enough (or earn enough) money to pay for their own wedding. When the couple no longer live at home with their respective parents, they often offer to foot the entire bill, or pay something towards the costs, when discussing who pays for what at the wedding.
If the couple are making a contribution to the cost of the wedding, they may offer to pay for the following themselves:
Invitations and wedding stationery
Bride's and bridesmaids' dresses and accessories (although bridesmaids often pay for their own dresses these days)
Hiring costs for clothes for the groom and his party
Wedding rings
Ceremony/ church expenses
Bouquets, corsages and buttonholes
The wedding cake
Gifts for the bridal attendants
The honeymoon
Work out a budget and get plenty of quotes when you're doing your costings. This way, you'll have no hidden surprises and a lot more fun planning your big day.
For a detailed list of who pays for what in both modern and traditional wedding budgets, click here
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