Decide to have a winning marriage. Marriage has a lot going for it. Research shows that it leads to happier, healthier, and wealthier people. It is certainly the best place to bring up children.
This does not mean that you are 'entitled' to be happy and have a winning marriage. Merely wishing for it will not make it so. You will both need to earn it. You must decide to do so and constantly renew your commitment.
Marriage does not simply work out, through luck. It takes work. Furthermore, what worked in the other successful marriages you have seen, may not work for you. You and your spouse are unique individuals. You will have to find your own formula for a winning marriage.
Set out from the beginning to work together to reach the happy state of married bliss. Is there such a thing? Yes, but it is not always there - it comes and goes. Be patient between times of joy. When things are tough, remember the joyful times and know that there will be more.
Be aware that your spouse's expectations of marriage will probably be based on what he or she saw in their childhood home. If you don't like what you see in that home, don't criticise that family. Try to negotiate a different way for your winning marriage by stressing the different situation and asking for help in reaching your own unique way forward.
Ask questions. Try to establish what your spouse thinks of certain situations. Suggest alternatives. For example, perhaps his family had a roast every Sunday, at lunch. Suggest that maybe you could consider changing this habit, to save money.
Constantly seek consensus based on a joint decision to make your marriage work. Remind yourselves of this commitment to a winning marriage regularly.
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