The greatest communication skill in marriage, as in the rest of life, is to listen carefully. Nothing can make you more popular and nothing can teach you more about other people, than truly taking in what another person is saying to you.
Listening carefully to another person is one of the most sincere compliments that can be given, because it tells the speaker that you honour him or her.
Listening carefully is not easy. It is more than hearing - it is a form of appreciation of the speaker. It involves focussing on what the other person is saying rather than on what we are going to say when he or she is finished.
We tend to want to talk and respond when we should be listening. We want to say our bit. Having to wait until the other person is finished can be difficult.
Here are seven things to do, to improve your listening skills:
Listen actively. Look at the other person and nod, or make 'listening sounds', when he or she talks.
Focus on the other person. Turn off your cell phone, television set or other device. If necessary, turn your back on any distraction - make it abundantly clear that you intend to concentrate.
If it is impossible to stop the distraction, ask for a short postponement - you might suggest having the discussion later, or simply take it to another room.
Ask questions to clarify any aspect that might not be clear to you. Summarise what the other person has , using your own words - indicating that you really are listening carefully.
Listen, question, pause before saying anything in return. In fact, even when the speaker has said something that calls for a reply, take time to consider what has been said before responding.
Practice the 60/40 rule - let the other person speak most of the time. The more you listen, the greater the compliment you give the speaker, and the more you will understand.
Don't interrupt, other than to indicate that you are hearing and understanding what is being said. When it is your turn to speak, gently insist on the same privilege.
Select an Article